Forever & Always

Forever and always you will be my mother. A ray of light in the midst of rain. A hug on a bad day. Always laughing at my bad jokes. Cooking delicious meals. *Still* doing my laundry. Selfless. Forgiving. Loving. Generous. Always smiling. Caring.

Not only are you my mother, you are also my friend. A friend til the end. The bestest person on earth.

@Odiepalooza on a log in the middle of nowhere drinking beers

You are there for me when no one else is/was. There is no amount of money or love in this world that I can repay you with for the way that you raised me. Hell, I know it wasn't easy.

Here's to you Mom.

Happy 55th

Mayday! Mayday!

There are somethings in life that I need help with. Two of them are having too much faith in people and the other is not being able to let go.

In my last post, I expressed how much I learned about myself at a Staff Retreat. During one of our exercises, my co-workers and I were asked to take a piece of poster paper and write some words that describe ourselves. I put the obvious: Yogi, Creative, Ambitious...etc. One stuck out to me though, and I didn't even realize it until the words spilled out from my fingertips: I have an overwhelming need to help people.

I am that person that will give a homeless man a granola bar on the subway after witnessing him devour a bag of "Dots".

When my stop came I reached in my purse and pulled out the granola bar I had left over from lunch. I stood up, looked right at him and handed him what little I had. He thanked me and I walked to my train, wiping tears from my eyes.

Tears of joy, sure, but also for what I was not able to do.

I find myself in over my head at times. I rarely say "no" to anyone who asks me for help, I also love being there for my friends. My friends have become my family. I don't have many close girlfriends, anymore, I find that I have trust issues and can never let them get too close. I've been burned and it didn't feel so hot. No pun intended.

I've learned enough to know when enough is enough. I also know enough to know myself that I am stronger than I let myself think. And the funny thing is, no one knows this better than me.

My faith in people may have dwindled in certain situations, but I have finally learned to just let go.

False alarm.

To Me, It's Personal

Sometimes, I take life too seriously. With that sort of attitude, I may not come out alive. My boy has done a great job at breaking me of this, but I can't help a relapse here and there.

I recently started a new job (you may have noticed with the lack of posts and the shortness of posts). Although my new venture is not entirely in my projected field of interest, I am definitely where I am supposed to be. In the few days that I have been employed there, I have learned so much about myself and my life goals. My heart swells with happiness thinking of all of the possibilities out there for me and knowing that I have the support group I need.

I also have a horrible habit of asking everyone else's opinion on a subject or situation...and then not listening.

The greatest knowledge is to be self-aware.

We had a Staff Retreat yesterday. The first half of the morning was our personal time to really think about and write down our life goals. It never really occurred to me to do such a thing, I just always had it in the back of my mind. Hoping that one day I would get there.

"...there's no elevator to success. You gotta take the stairs."

Really putting my goals out there helped shift my focus and kick my butt into high gear. If there is one thing, I will take this part of my life seriously. It's my future, I'm knocking on the doors of fate and destiny and I'm hoping one of them will let me in. If not, I will beat it down.

If you ask my Mom, my Dad and my Boy...they will all tell you one indefinite thing about me: I don't listen to anyone but myself.

Everything in my life is my personal obstacle, my personal loss or gain. Everything is my own.

My body is a holy temple.

I am taking this new found opportunity and running with it. I'm going to jog with this good feeling and I am going to forge uphill with my passion.

Everything happens for a reason. I am inspired by everyone and everything. And it's a wonderful feeling to just let go and laugh at the sky.

"There's a time and place for everything,
There's a reason why certain people meet
There's a destination for everyone
What's the explanation when we're done

All the summer nights spent wondering
So many questions asked
But no one's answering
Would it be OK if I left today
Took my chances on what you said was wrong

I'm jaded, stupid and reckless not sorry
When I'll never regret these years spent
So faded and reckless not sorry
And I'll never regret these years
I'll never regret these years."

--Mest, "Jaded."

Slummin' in Paradise

I. Want. To. Go. Back. Now.

P.R. '10

Day Dream Believer

Laying in bed in in a hotel room on a tropical island, I look over at my boy and I see that he's deep in thought.

Me: (coyly) What are you thinking?

Boy: (pauses) What it's like to be James Bond.

At least he was honest.

When I was a Little Girl

At what point do we lose sight of the things we wanted? At what point does reality set in and we realize that life is really like a box of chocolates? Responsibility. Walls. Doors slammed in our faces. Trying to make ends meet. Taking care of ourselves and our families.

All of the above are factors in everyday life. When I was a little girl, the world was my oyster. Actually, no. I don't like oysters---When I was a little girl, the world was Barbie's Dream House. Full of endless possibilities, not a care in the world. On any given day I could be a Lifeguard, a Doctor, a School teacher, a Police Officer...or I could just ride around in my convertible with my hubby Ken.

If only we could all live like that bitch.

When I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to make a difference. To be proud of myself and my accomplishments. I wanted to make a difference with my writing. With my words, with my point of view and without sacrifice. I love writing about people and their amazing stories. I also love writing tongue-in-cheek pieces about pop culture, fashion, beauty and lifestyle.

When I was a little girl, I was responsible. My parents made sure of that. I knew I had to clean my room, eat breakfast and vacuum some part of the house before I turned on Saturday morning cartoons or played with my Barbie dolls.

When I was a little girl, I wasn't aware of what the real world would be like. All I knew is what they showed on MTV.

When I was a little girl, I thought I could take on the world. I was SuperGirl. Well, Wonder Woman is more accurate since she's a brunette.

When I was a little girl, I cared about everyone and everything. I never wanted to disappoint. I wanted to help, do the right thing and live happily ever after.

I was watching A League of Their Own yesterday, one of my all time favorite movies. One part stuck with me, when Geena Davis' character was leaving the team because it just got too hard. Everyone, including Tom Hanks, said she would regret never playing again. She was leaving to be home with her husband and have babies.

Times have changed. I don't live in a world anymore where I have to have dinner on the table by 6pm and I sure as hell don't wear pearls when I vacuum. These days, it's taboo for women to live like that. There are so many opportunities out there for us it's refreshing!

So why are the dreams I had yesterday, not the same ones I have today? Does life really get in the way? Is it the luck of the Irish? Or am I not motivated anymore? Has working in the corporate world completely drained me of all of my creativity? Have I lost all ambition to be the writer I've always wanted to be? Will I ever have my own column, perfect grammar and a house by the beach?

When I was a little girl, things seemed so much easier.

Memories in the Making

On April 5, 2009 something unexpected happened. I fell in love with my best friend. Sure, it happens in the movies and the odds of a couple working out these days are slim to none, but for some reason the two of us got it right. Finally.

April 5th is his birthday and, granted this is a small gesture, but I wanted to show my appreciation for him with a montage of photos of us throughout the years.

And there will be many more to come.

Happy Birthday Baby!