Everything else is just life.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

A Mind is a Terrible Thing to Lose

I'm not exactly sure when I started to lose my mind, but it happened very suddenly. That's the other thing too...I can't remember. It started with little things like people's names and then it turned into a blank stare when someone would refer to something they said a few days ago, a few hours ago, a few minutes ago.

As far as I know, Alzheimer's doesn't run in my family. But I truly feel that I have an early case of it. I can't remember funny stories, I can't remember dates and I can't remember what someone said 5 minutes ago. It's scary. I feel like I have lost total control of my mind. In more ways than one.

Not only am I forgetful, I can't concentrate long enough on anything to really get a grasp on it. Could I have developed ADD in my adult life? Is MTV to blame? I can't decide if my lack of concentration is due to laziness or if there is some sort of chemical imbalance.

This is my brain.

I can't form complete sentences. Proper grammar, definitions of words and speaking have all proven to be difficult tasks. I'm no longer positive of the correct protocol of how to write a letter, ask someone for a favor or just tell someone that I can't do something.

Is it stress?

I don't really feel stressed. Technically, I've been stressed since 2005. The beginning of the 5th year really wouldn't make much of a difference. Since my sophomore year in college my life has just been non-stop. Going here and there, doing this and that and running myself ragged.

I'll sleep when I'm dead.

There's a fog over my brain that has yet to lift. Maybe I just need a muse? A healthy dose of confidence? All I know is, I have to do it myself.

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