Road to Nowhere

I've never been much of a runner.  I think I'm pretty fast if I have to be, but I was told by my doctor to never run track.  As of lately I've had the feeling I've been running in place.  Running and running and running and going nowhere...fast. 

It's not quite clear when I lost my footing, I always remember being a bit confused about life.  When I was younger, the world seemed so much easier-easier to navigate and easier to deal with.  My path was so clear about 5 years ago and there was no doubt in my mind that I would find the end.  The end all be all of happiness. 

Like I said, I can't tell you when it changed.  I used to be confident.  I used to kick ass and take names.  I was fearless.  Or naive, whichever. 

I'm stubbornly ambitious, strong minded and strong willed.  Although lately, I feel defeated.  I feel stuck.  And I feel like I can't get off this treadmill.  It seems that the happiness in my life can never coincide. 

Personal > Professional

For once in my life, I don't know what I want.  For once in my life, my creative juices have stopped flowing.  I feel bottled up and I'm suffocating.  And all I want to do is scream and cry.  I've always been that girl to want it all.  I do want it all.  I want it all, with happiness.  Content-ness.  Content with my life choices and content that I made the right ones. 

My road to nowhere is taking me around in circles.  Spinning me into obilvion, and I can't see what's going on around me. 

"It might be a quarter life crisis
or just the stirring in my soul

Either way, I wonder sometimes
about the outcome
of a still verdictless life

Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Am I living it right?
Why, why Georgia, why?"

Everything happens for a reason.

I'm running this race of life.  And I'm dead last.