Everything else is just life.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Mayday! Mayday!

There are somethings in life that I need help with. Two of them are having too much faith in people and the other is not being able to let go.

In my last post, I expressed how much I learned about myself at a Staff Retreat. During one of our exercises, my co-workers and I were asked to take a piece of poster paper and write some words that describe ourselves. I put the obvious: Yogi, Creative, Ambitious...etc. One stuck out to me though, and I didn't even realize it until the words spilled out from my fingertips: I have an overwhelming need to help people.

I am that person that will give a homeless man a granola bar on the subway after witnessing him devour a bag of "Dots".

When my stop came I reached in my purse and pulled out the granola bar I had left over from lunch. I stood up, looked right at him and handed him what little I had. He thanked me and I walked to my train, wiping tears from my eyes.

Tears of joy, sure, but also for what I was not able to do.

I find myself in over my head at times. I rarely say "no" to anyone who asks me for help, I also love being there for my friends. My friends have become my family. I don't have many close girlfriends, anymore, I find that I have trust issues and can never let them get too close. I've been burned and it didn't feel so hot. No pun intended.

I've learned enough to know when enough is enough. I also know enough to know myself that I am stronger than I let myself think. And the funny thing is, no one knows this better than me.

My faith in people may have dwindled in certain situations, but I have finally learned to just let go.

False alarm.

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