You Gotta Get With My Friends

Many people have forgotten about the other British invasion that occurred a la 1997...the Spice Girls landed on American radio with the infectious sugary pop tune "Wannabe."

Besides the message of "Girl Power" to their core female audience, they also had a message for the men. You gotta get with my friends. Before you jump to sexual conclusions (mind out of the gutter please!) hear me out.

Ever have that friend who's boyfriend sucks balls? Yes, we all have. And as much as we try to tell her he's no good, she's still with him. I'm a firm believer that people are treated in ways that are indicative of what is said about the other person. Don't follow me? Basically whatever you tell your friends about your significant other is a catalyst for how they will treat him/her. If your friends BF treats her like dog poo, you won't treat him like he just cured fucking cancer.

For example: one of my best friends had a boyfriend who was absolutely nuts. He caused a lot of unnecessary drama and even jumped out of a moving car to prove his point. Needless to say, it was very hard for me to be nice to him after what he put my bestie through, let alone have any respect for him. As much as I tried to grin and bear it for the sake of my friendship, my true colors were written all over my face.

Another example is Heidi and Spencer--this needs no explanation.

This past weekend I was explaining this concept of mine to my girls who have been through a lot emotionally the past few months. One of them said outwardly: "So, the Spice Girls were right?"

Yes. Yes, they were.

Although you may not be suggesting a threesome, you might be a little more careful as to how you treat your man or lady. The way you are treated speaks volumes in Spice World.

Saratoga Girls

Well lovies, I am off to Saratoga for a weekend with my favorite girls and I can't help but sing this little song by Katy Perry. I am very excited to bet on the ponies and dance until my feet bleed. I will also be meeting up with some friends I haven't seen in awhile.

Here's to a great (money winning) weekend!

Take Me Back to the Beginning

At the beginning of every relationship, it’s full of buttery goodness: Romance, Sex, Undying Devotion, Great Conversations, New Information and Sex (again). You can’t keep your paws off of each other. It makes you feel sexy, wanted, loved and cared for. Your life becomes consumed by this other being and you suffocate yourselves with each other’s presence-abstaining from everything else in life.

Eventually, everything unravels. You learn too much about the other person, or see them do something extremely disgusting and everything about your relationship becomes one major turn off. There are very few people, I know that can make it through these relationship slumps: the two weeks without sex, the constant nitpicking at the other to pick up their socks and the always in your face “what did you make for dinner tonight?”

My track record with relationships isn’t all that great. I also don’t have the best frame of reference and the odds are against me (1 in 2 marriages fail). I wish I could tell you that everything is always peachy-keen and coming up roses, but the fact is that all relationships take work. Equal work by both parties. I would like to think that my Boy and I are successful at this. Although, our relationship is far from easy.

We were watching Date Night the other week and it hit me that that many couples have the tendency to turn into that couple--that couple who becomes excellent roommates and not significant others. Maybe it’s all in my head, and maybe I’m panicking about nothing in particular. I just know that things have changed since the beginning. If I could I would have an affair with the beginning, because it was just that good. And it’s not just my relationship, its most relationships. While they all don’t turn into Bad Romances, they do lose some romance. Chivalry is not dead. I’m not your mother, wine and dine me. Please, thank you.

**********

There are little things that should NEVER be neglected in a relationship:

Kisses--My high school boyfriend, before he did anything else when he walked through a door was kiss me. It was his thing and I loved it. My ex refused (hence why he’s an ex). It’s the little thing that reminded me that I was the first thing on his mind when he walked through the door. It still gives me butterflies.

Saying “I love you”—This is especially true before I fall asleep at night. I like it to be the last thing spoken. I used to be even more of a stickler about saying it on the phone after every conversation. I’ve eased up in my old age. But never take for granted a truly sincere, “I love you.”

Touching—Remember back in your courtship with your current or past mates, when you would playfully touch their arm? Or brush their hand, or rub the inside of their thigh…yeah, they still like that. And WE still like that. It still sends shivers down the spine, especially if you get to the spot.

Foreplay—“Kissing is like an opening act. Like the comedian before…Pink Floyd comes out…it’s not that you don’t like the comedian, it’s just not why you bought the ticket.” Foreplay gets neglected, especially when you’re short on time. What’s the point of feeling up when you have a free pass right into the end zone (not THAT end zone)? Always add in foreplay, it makes the experience that much more fun.

Flowers—Cheesy but it works. Flowers just because you were being thought about. Flowers just because.

Texts—A friend of mine’s boyfriend would send her a text every morning saying how beautiful she was. And everyday she would have a smile spread across her face. Simple, easy and it never hurts to tell someone they’re beautiful.

Cleaning—When you’re not asked, clean up after yourself. It makes a world of difference that you also have respect for a communal living space.

Holding Hands—It’s the cutest fucking thing in the world to see older people holding hands. It’s the simplest gesture to let you know that your significant other is holding on to you. I love holding hands.

Time—Make time for each other. My boy and I started “Date Night” during the week where it’s just the two of us. We excluded the weekends because our schedules are so hectic, but if we can do it then we will.

Sex—Don’t stop. Just don’t. Spice it up with lingerie, a hotel room, a new sex toy or book. Just don’t stop.

What are some of your suggestions to keeping a relationship going?

Everyday

I once watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy where one of the Doctors had an aversion to people touching her. Appropriately, that is. I can’t remember what exactly happened, but the Doctor had something detrimental happen to her and Christina (I could be wrong here) proclaimed that an actual human touch, like a hug, really calms a person down when they are in hysterics. Basically it’s scientific fact, or just good television, that a physical hug makes a world of difference.

I’m a hugger. I always have been. Although, I’ve noticed lately that I’ve put up a wall. As I become more and more aware of myself and the situations around me, I trust less and less. It’s a sad state of affairs. I also feel like, because I don’t put myself out there I don’t get heard (bad grammar alert!). And instead of getting heard, I get hurt. By the people I love the most.

My BFF says that I don’t like to ruffle feathers, which is true. I don’t like to cause conflict, I spent months stewing over a fight I had with a best friend. And I couldn’t even go two days without talking to another one.

This past New Year’s I made a silent resolution to myself to stand up and speak up more. To not let people push me around, to state what I want and not settle for anything less. If I come across as a bitch, oh well. I want nothing but the best for everyone, and I am finally putting myself first.

Two people have told me this week to be selfish while I can. Selfish is not a word I like. It describes too many members of my family. However, I will be selfish in the right ways—time, money and ambition. I’ve never been there for myself. I do what everyone else does to me, “you’re fine, you don’t need any help.”

As S, so eloquently put this week: “You come across very self sufficient.”

But ultimately, I’m dismissed because of this. It’s the worst feeling in the world.

*raises hand*

Everyone needs help sometimes. It takes a real person to admit that. And sometimes, you just need a really good hug.

Wake Up Call

My boy has been saying that he would like a new alarm clock that would benefit both of our morning routines. I wake up earlier than him usually at 7 a.m. and he usually awakens when I leave at 7:45 a.m.

However, he sometimes forgets to reset the alarm after I shut it off. Therefore he's been on the hunt for a dual alarm clock. And like most men, he finds the most high tech, expensive one on the market. Apparently the alarm clock has blue tooth...like I want to talk to people that early in the morning. Regardless, it charges an iPod, has a remote and a phone or something. Sigh.

Boy: I found a new alarm clock.
Me: Oh yeah? Did you get it at Walmart?
Boy: No, it has bluetooth and it does all of this other stuff.
Me: (pausing) How much?
Boy: $100
Me: That's way too expensive for an alarm clock.
Boy: (shows me the picture with all of the gadgets)
Me: *blank stare*

I'm not quite sure yet if it can tell time.

To be continued.

Overprotected

There are many reasons why I love Brit, her inspiring lyrics are not one of them. But alas, she is still awesome and I absolutely love this song. I've been singing this to myself for about a week so here it is for your viewing pleasure.

You go girl.

Eat Pray Love

I'm in the midst of reading Elizabeth Gilbert's: Eat Pray Love. And, as a writer I am fully engulfed by her brutally honest portrayl of life's unexpected kicks in the teeth. For lack of better words, depression is a bitch. I've felt all too many of the emotions she beautifully and painfully writes and I know all too well where she is coming from. The great thing is that she had the courage (and the moola from her publisher) to walk away and re-discover who she is/was/wants to be.

While I'm reading I feel like I'm sitting with a friend in a cafe, sipping on herbal tea and she's rehashing every gory detail to me, like it happened yesterday. She engages the reader in no way I've ever read before. I feel like I'm in Italy with her, in India and lying on the bathroom floor.

I am so excited to see the movie. But first, I must get through India.

Little Black Back Track

Sample telephone convo:

Person 1 (answers phone): Hello?
Person 2: Hey!
Person 1: Who is this?
Person 2: Your past.
*click*

Have you ever noticed that, more often than we would like to admit, we go crawling back to the past? Past relationships in particular. They didn't work out for one reason or another but we still want to give it that good ol' college try again.

Old habits die hard.

It could be out of pure habit or it could be that we're all masochists. Or maybe it's the fascination with "what if?" One thing is for sure it's the past because it's passed. Done. Fini.

I made a wise decision a little less than a year ago to not speak to my ex. Ever. Again. I've gotten texts, emails and calls and have ignored them all. In his last email he even asked if I still used the email address. I do. He just doesn't know if I do or do not anymore. It's beyond satisfying that I have stuck to my guns and moved on with my life. For some though, it's not so easy. And believe me, it was.

I just said, "no."

I've had many friends go back to that one ex that they just couldn't escape. There are people like that out in the world, they're hypnotizing and detrimental to our mental health. They'll know the perfect opportunity to text you...just to see "what's up?" Maybe take a stroll down Memory Lane, but really it's just a dead end. Like the relationship was in the first place.

I'm a firm believer in that people don't change, they just get more the same. They may convince you that they've changed and maybe even try out a new persona for a bit, but it will all eventually revert back to what it was.

The question is...do you want to live like that?

Has anyone ever gotten back together with an Ex and actually have it work out?

Invisible

Lately, I've been feeling invisible. Did you ever have that dream where you're in a crowd and you're screaming and no one hears you? Yeah, that's me.

This is one of my absolute faves from Ashlee. Enjoy.