Everything else is just life.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Little Black Back Track

Sample telephone convo:

Person 1 (answers phone): Hello?
Person 2: Hey!

Person 1: Who is this?

Person 2: Your past.


Have you ever noticed that, more often than we would like to admit, we go crawling back to the past? Past relationships in particular. They didn't work out for one reason or another but we still want to give it that good ol' college try again.

Old habits die hard.

It could be out of pure habit or it could be that we're all masochists. Or maybe it's the fascination with "what if?" One thing is for sure it's the past because it's passed. Done. Fini.

I made a wise decision a little less than a year ago to not speak to my ex. Ever. Again. I've gotten texts, emails and calls and have ignored them all. In his last email he even asked if I still used the email address. I do. He just doesn't know if I do or do not anymore. It's beyond satisfying that I have stuck to my guns and moved on with my life. For some though, it's not so easy. And believe me, it was.

I just said, "no."

I've had many friends go back to that one ex that they just couldn't escape. There are people like that out in the world, they're hypnotizing and detrimental to our mental health. They'll know the perfect opportunity to text you...just to see "what's up?" Maybe take a stroll down Memory Lane, but really it's just a dead end. Like the relationship was in the first place.

I'm a firm believer in that people don't change, they just get more the same. They may convince you that they've changed and maybe even try out a new persona for a bit, but it will all eventually revert back to what it was.

The question you want to live like that?

Has anyone ever gotten back together with an Ex and actually have it work out?


Lee said...

Ha, I was just thinking about this situation after watching Eminem's (ft. Rihanna) new video "Love the Way You Lie." Especially at the part when Dominic Monaghan's character gives Megan Fox's character a teddy bear and an ugly carnation after messing up...again.

Allie Mac said...

great topic : )but seriously, what's the deal... why is the past so appealing to us? It's like we filter out all that was bad and remember the pieces of us that made us happy. That's great.. to an extent. But when it comes to an ex it just means trouble.

I recently reached out to my ex. We dated for about 2 years and by the end had a pretty unhealthy relationship. I finally broke it off and soon started dating someone new. Yet, for some reason, I had this strong urge to reach out to the ex! When I did, we had a civil conversation (except for the part where he told me my new boyfriend was ugly and we'd never work) But the more we talked, the more I remembered all the things about our relationship that didn't work. He kept saying how much he's grown and things have changed.

It took a lot for me to step back and say, wait a minute, you haven't changed at all. At the end of that conversation I was proud of myself for detaching emotions and recognizing why it is we didn't, and wouldn't, work.

I don't know anyone that has gone back to an ex and had a positive outcome.. maybe for a while but never in the long run.

Good for you for cutting off communication.. it's tough!

Meg said...

I feel like when we end a relationship we forget all the bad things. It's so much easier to romanticize that time he brought you roses or took you to your favorite restaurant and forget the times that he flirted with other girls in front of you or told he'd call and then didn't. On the other hand, I feel that workable relationships are part timing & part luck. Sometimes you can meet the perfect person for you & it just doesn't work out because maybe it's an odd time in his life or vice versa. The ability of a past relationship working out in the present depends on a few things - namely the way that it initially ended and how much the two parties have changed since that ending. I fully believe that getting back together with some exes can work - as long as their original relationship wasn't destructive or abusive.

Great topic Al! xo

Nevalicious07 said...

I'm back with an ex, and it's working out perfectly. Although our relationship the first time around was brief-- we were both in a place in our lives that we weren't ready..

However, now- I wake up snuggled in his arms every morning and thank my lucky stars that I decided to contact him again.

Allie said...

Love your comment @AllieMac. It's so true, the ex I refer to in my post was the same way. He would take cheap shots at the guys I dated and at my friends and I finally had enough.