At the beginning of every relationship, it’s full of buttery goodness: Romance, Sex, Undying Devotion, Great Conversations, New Information and Sex (again). You can’t keep your paws off of each other. It makes you feel sexy, wanted, loved and cared for. Your life becomes consumed by this other being and you suffocate yourselves with each other’s presence-abstaining from everything else in life.Eventually, everything unravels. You learn too much about the other person, or see them do something extremely disgusting and everything about your relationship becomes one major turn off. There are very few people, I know that can make it through these relationship slumps: the two weeks without sex, the constant nitpicking at the other to pick up their socks and the always in your face “what did you make for dinner tonight?”
My track record with relationships isn’t all that great. I also don’t have the best frame of reference and the odds are against me (1 in 2 marriages fail). I wish I could tell you that everything is always peachy-keen and coming up roses, but the fact is that all relationships take work. Equal work by both parties. I would like to think that my Boy and I are successful at this. Although, our relationship is far from easy.
We were watching Date Night the other week and it hit me that that many couples have the tendency to turn into that couple--that couple who becomes excellent roommates and not significant others. Maybe it’s all in my head, and maybe I’m panicking about nothing in particular. I just know that things have changed since the beginning. If I could I would have an affair with the beginning, because it was just that good. And it’s not just my relationship, its most relationships. While they all don’t turn into Bad Romances, they do lose some romance. Chivalry is not dead. I’m not your mother, wine and dine me. Please, thank you.
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Kisses--My high school boyfriend, before he did anything else when he walked through a door was kiss me. It was his thing and I loved it. My ex refused (hence why he’s an ex). It’s the little thing that reminded me that I was the first thing on his mind when he walked through the door. It still gives me butterflies.
Saying “I love you”—This is especially true before I fall asleep at night. I like it to be the last thing spoken. I used to be even more of a stickler about saying it on the phone after every conversation. I’ve eased up in my old age. But never take for granted a truly sincere, “I love you.”
Touching—Remember back in your courtship with your current or past mates, when you would playfully touch their arm? Or brush their hand, or rub the inside of their thigh…yeah, they still like that. And WE still like that. It still sends shivers down the spine, especially if you get to the spot.
Foreplay—“Kissing is like an opening act. Like the comedian before…Pink Floyd comes out…it’s not that you don’t like the comedian, it’s just not why you bought the ticket.” Foreplay gets neglected, especially when you’re short on time. What’s the point of feeling up when you have a free pass right into the end zone (not THAT end zone)? Always add in foreplay, it makes the experience that much more fun.
Flowers—Cheesy but it works. Flowers just because you were being thought about. Flowers just because.
Texts—A friend of mine’s boyfriend would send her a text every morning saying how beautiful she was. And everyday she would have a smile spread across her face. Simple, easy and it never hurts to tell someone they’re beautiful.
Cleaning—When you’re not asked, clean up after yourself. It makes a world of difference that you also have respect for a communal living space.
Holding Hands—It’s the cutest fucking thing in the world to see older people holding hands. It’s the simplest gesture to let you know that your significant other is holding on to you. I love holding hands.
Time—Make time for each other. My boy and I started “Date Night” during the week where it’s just the two of us. We excluded the weekends because our schedules are so hectic, but if we can do it then we will.
Sex—Don’t stop. Just don’t. Spice it up with lingerie, a hotel room, a new sex toy or book. Just don’t stop.
What are some of your suggestions to keeping a relationship going?
3 comments:
I'd say space. I think that all these things are so super super important but the other important thing to keeping a relationship going is remembering that as close as you are, you're still two separate people with two separate opinions and agendas. I'm starting to realize that a little space goes a long way and letting go doesn't have to be a scary thing.
Great post xo
love this! I love those early days where you're never too tired to do anything and can't seem to get enough of each other.
I think Meg's right, space helps a lot. The same way you have date night, having a "girls night" is equally as helpful.
My boyfriend and I are long distance for a good chunk of the year while he's at grad school. We still see each other pretty much every other weekend but those weekends and time together means so much more and is filled with so many more butterflies because the space leaves me wanting him.
I'm deathly afraid of the spark running out and ending up married to someone who's just become that "roommate" my parents are divorced and like you said, the odds are bad. I think having a little faith is important and remembering that things take work and as long as you're both willing to work at it, you'll be just fine.
Awesome tips!
I would say making sure that you make time with your friends and not just spending all your time with your loved one. Being apart from each other makes you want to be with that person so much more. Plus it makes those times that you do get to spend with your loved one that much better.
Good blog Allie. Relationships are tough and especially when your with someone for a long time, these things tend to slip away. The courtship goes away and it makes the relationship go sour. Keeping these things in mind helps keep that relationship fresh. ;-)
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