Everything else is just life.

Saturday, July 31, 2010


As a little girl, I was terrified of Vampires. I used to sleep with a blanket over my neck every night for protection. Little did I know that the blanket would do absolutely nothing in warding off the fang toothed blood sucking dead dudes.

There was one point in my life that I felt invincible. Not in a jump-out-of-a-plane-without-a-parachute kind of way, but that I had absolutely nothing to lose. I knew exactly what I wanted and I knew how to get it. I called the shots and I was blazing a trail behind me. Then-in a snap, I was scared sh**less.

It was like I was ready to jump off the high dive and all of a sudden forgot how to swim. The dead dudes sucked the lust for life out of me and I haven't quite been able to get it back. The "it" in question is also a question. I may have been green, I also may have been naive and my fearlessness was pure stupidity. One day I calculated all of my odds and decided I was better off sitting on the bench on the sideline of life...and my career.

I really wish I could tell you that the date was December 1, 2008, but I can't. I have no idea when it happened. I became extremely intimidated by my own life that I let it walk all over me. I never saw it coming, I just went on-business as usual.

The confidence that had once radiated off of me, the sparkle that I possessed was gone. Tucked away in the vampire's veins allowing him to live forever as a dead dude...with a pop in his step. I used to own everything I did. I was the first in line for the next thing and I was taking no prisoners.

I lost the confidence in myself to produce what I used to be good at. I second guess myself buying a gallon of milk and I sure as hell don't have a pop in my step. In some way, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. My confidence doesn't even have confidence in itself.

My fearless attitude is now a timid little girl. Afraid of the big big world.

How do I get my(self) confidence back?

Vampires...I'm looking at you.

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