Reflection

Have you ever stared at yourself in the mirror? Like, really stared? I did once, and I didn't know who was staring back at me. Sure, I had the same brown hair and brown eyes that I was born with, but I didn't like what I saw. Not in a vain "I'm so fat and ugly" way, but in a "how the hell did I get here" way.

I've lost a lot of people in my life: some to the afterlife and some to petty circumstances, neither are easy. I lost my Grandma, Friday August 28, 2009 at 1am. She was one of the strongest people I know. She always knew what to say and do, she never lost her cool. She was cool. The coolest Grandma. For her 80th birthday, she wanted to go ice skating in Rockefeller Center. The next year, she wanted to go sky diving. She had a bucket list, before Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman.

I had a lot of long talks with my Aunts this past weekend, and we reflected on how strong my Grandma was. How she would focus on the living, and getting through it rather than sit and feel sorry for herself. So, that's what I did. My brother and I took great care of my Grandpa and I feel a void not being there for him today. He's preparing himself to go through the motions to live without the love of his life for 62 years.

62 years.

62 years of marriage isn't a number we see anymore. My parents were only married 14 years, and that ended messily. The only ones they can blame are themselves, but of course they blame the other.

As I reflect on the situations that surround me, I am engulfed by pettiness and things that no longer matter. I'm trimming the fat, so to speak. My Grandma never bothered to frustrate herself with nonsensical talk and negativity. She would get up and move on. So, that's what I'm doing. I'm moving on. I will no longer focus on the past. Only the future.

Care to join me?